I bet some people thought I had forgotten the importance of August 2nd. Sadly, there's even more people who have no idea of the importance of August 2nd, and to be specific August 2, 1998.
I didn't forget, I woke up at 2AM in tears, My heart torn between the tremendous high of the wedding I just shot and the deep sense of loss that I still feel 17 years later.
August 2, 1998 is when my beloved grandmother, Carol, died. Despite the fact that she didn't give birth to me, she will always be the woman who was the most significant woman in my life. Let's start with the fact, that I'm actually named after her... Why not Carol as my name? My mom decided she couldn't give me the name of one grandmother, without including the other grandmother's name in there. So there was a good compromise, kind of name me Carol, but not name me Carol. And thus, the name, Cara...
(My last day with Carol)
Next the simple fact that I was the love of her life's baby girl's baby girl. I was the youngest child of her youngest child, and to be honest, the one who had the dark brown eyes and the general face-shape of her first love, Jake. I LOVED to garden, and spent hours roaming the rows of flowers put in by her and my grandfather. And I loved music, specifically my grandmother's music, the organ. I didn't become an organ player, I played piano, but I think I'm the only one who played like her. I don't know if it's because of the time spent on the keys, but my hands look like my grandmothers.
I miss her dearly, and think about her all the time. When something happens good or bad, I wish I could tell her. She would be so proud of my daughter. And Sean, oh my God, that boy. I've only heard of what Jake looked like as a young man, I've only seen a faded out of picture of them as a dating couple, but I can imagine that Sean will look like him as a man. Sean has the thick wavy hair, the dark eyes and the strong look of Jake. He's tall like Jake.
I know she lives in my heart, and as long as I live, she will live in my stories. She was the second call after my daughter was born. I woke her up, but she didn't care, and my heart ached when I couldn't call her after Sean was born. The woman who in her dress and heals, came out to the backyard to throw volleyballs at me to dig. The woman who wasn't afraid of my anger when she put me in my place when my head got" too big for my britches". The woman who told me how very honored she was that I was getting married on her and Jake's wedding anniversary, and finally the woman who knew when the time was coming to the end of her life, sat with me holding hands and making our last memories together.
I love and miss you Carol. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that...
(My VERY favorite women in my life, my grandmother, and my daughter, Rachel. Carol was my goddess since the day I was born. Rachel, my everything since the day SHE was born. I'm blessed to have them "bookend" my life)